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By Jason Michael
IT WAS A PICTURE OF CARNAGE. On Friday evening, from one side of Scotland to the other, social media was abuzz with reports of both sides’ opening manœuvres in the bloody #SNPCivilWar. In spite of incessant side-switching, Team B – or possibly Team A (who knows?) occupied Mecca Bingo opposite the bus station in Ayr, later in the night news reached GHQ while everyone was watching a rerun of Love Island that a Buckfast bottle had been smashed on Sauchiehall Street. Things were spiralling out of control. No original recipe Irn-Bru could be found anywhere in the central belt, causing mass troop defections and a number of the bigger kids to go home.
As blood was being spilt – well, red sauce – in every town and city in the country the news broke that the Commander in Chief of the “People’s Front of Johnstone” had fallen – under his train seat on the way home after a night on the Special Brew. Some intelligence sources claimed he had only dropped his mobile under his first-class seat, but the event was enough to bring the chaos to a halt as everyone, including Agnes – AKA “Senga” – from the Wellington chipper in Ayr (who heroically telt the insurgents in the bingo hall to “get huntit”), broke down laughing.
Right....I'm ready for this SNP civil war.... https://t.co/zFPlBixPnx—
TRULY SCOTTISH TV® (@TrulyScottishTV) August 31, 2018
Yes, you read that right. According to the unionist media in Scotland a “civil war” erupted in the SNP last Friday following the resignation of Alex Salmond. It didn’t matter that no one in the SNP and no one in the wider independence movement noticed the outbreak of hostilities; fake news is just that – fake news. Yet, to mark the occasion – even as the BBC’s political editor Brian Taylor, a “journalist,” tried to downgrade the fictitious infighting to “turmoil” – independentistas took to social media to juke it out with the hashtag “#SNPCivilWar.” It was pure mayhem, and by midnight it was trending.
The truth – which is an alien concept to the BBC and the rest of the mainstream media in Scotland – is that nothing happened. Okay, a bottle of Buckfast might have been smashed, but that was the result of nothing more sensational than the fact it was a Friday night – and Fridays are sensational in Glasgow. The former First Minister, Alex Salmond, resigned that he might clear his name of sexual harassment allegations without inviting the to-be expected opportunistic attacks on the SNP by the Tory-Lab-Lib-Dem unionist party. He sent British nationalists into apoplectic, frothy-mouthed shock by launching a crowdfunder to cover his costs at the Court of Session. So, unable to do heehaw about anything, the media wing of the British state invented a civil war – or turmoil or something like that.
Other than maybe catching Eck out for a drink – or dropping his phone, nothing happened. Not in the SNP or the independence movement anyway. But something did happen to the British media and Scotland’s unionists. They got caught bullshitting. The way this usually works is that the BBC tells a whopper of a lie and the fallout it creates turns the lie into a self-fulfilling prophecy. On Friday the propagandists at BBC Pacific Quay and their directors in Whitehall were fully expecting their “news” to divide the independence movement into Gerry Hassan’s factions; “Salmond loyalists” and “non-Salmond believers,” and for a real riot to begin. Sometimes this set piece works, but what they failed to factor in was that this is Scotland and it was Friday night.
"Yesterday, August 31st, 2018 - a date which will live in infamy - the SNP team B was suddenly and deliberately att… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…—
Jason Michael (@Jeggit) September 01, 2018
Pull some Goebbels crap like this on a Tuesday night and there might well be fireworks. You might even see Christina McKelvie marching out in her fluffy socks wielding a cosh and Angus MacNeil following her up the road with a massive shank. But on a Friday? Try that on a Friday and the best thing you’re likely to get is some former heid honcho rolling about a train pished oot his noggin – oh! As we have said, and as the BBC should know: This. Is. Scotland.
We have said this a thousand times, and still we have to say it again: This is what we have to put up with in Scotland. Broadcasting isn’t devolved. When we vote for a party Westminster doesn’t approve of – and Westminster doesn’t approve of the SNP – we are subjected to a relentless media campaign of fake news, manipulation, distortion, and out right lies. Even when we did vote for pro-London parties the media poisoned us with a bogus narrative of Scottish ineptitude designed to convince us our country was useless without the guiding (read: robbing) hand of Westminster.
Jason Michael (@Jeggit) September 01, 2018
Given that this most recent BBC lie came off the bat of accusations against Mr Salmond, it has even managed to damage the – thankfully – growing sense that people claiming sexual harassment are to be trusted. The BBC will stop at nothing to blacken the SNP. That we have caught them in this lie casts a shadow over the accusations and the claimants making them. By so strenuously attacking the assumption of innocence in this case and by getting caught in a bare-faced lie, we can’t but begin to doubt the lot of it. Sure, the truth will only come out in court – and we don’t know the facts, but the BBC and the unionist media has done nothing to reassure victims of sexual harassment that they will be supported. In its desperation to undermine the cause of independence, the British state will do anything – whatever it takes, and no matter the cost, to achieve its goal.
But be assured: There is no civil war, bottled sometimes get broken, and we don’t know what’s going to come of the accusations – either way. In short, nothing has changed; people should still feel supported to make complaints, the SNP is still under attack, and the British state and the BBC are still telling lies.
BBC ‘Fake News’ Report on Alex Salmond