By Jason Michael

“Chaos” loses all meaning when Theresa Mayhem uses it. She has presided over the worst social and economic catastrophe imaginable, and things are only getting worse. It’s sheer delusion to think this is as bad as it will get.

One of the most frustrating effects of the foxification of Westminster politics – the process of dumbing down news and politics to Fox News levels – is the adoption by politicians of punchy but substance-thin sloganistic buzzwords and stock phrases. What was once reserved for the easily digestible election campaign poster has now become the full text of populist political opinion, and Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, David Cameron, and now Theresa May have never been short of this bargain basement spin – known technically, since Harry Frankfurt’s essay on the subject, as bullshit.

Seriously, what can Theresa May’s alliterative – for the benefit of the illiterate – “Coalition of Chaos” mean in the Brexit Britain that she has been instrumental in bring about? Calling other people crack pots loses all meaning when you are calling them it while sharing a padded cell with them. Every time we think that Brexit can’t possibly get any worse, Theresa May and her band of Brexiteer cacafuegos manage to prove us all wrong. Not only are we ditching the European Convention on Human Rights, they have taken to identifying judges as traitors, referring to the anti-Brexit public as saboteurs, threating EU members states with military action, and wholeheartedly instigating capital and intellectual flight. It has gotten so bad that if we want to know where all this is going we are best using ontological reasoning; imagine the very worst it can possibly be – then try to make is worse.

The social, economic, and political mayhem that Theresa May and her troupe of cockwomble village idiots have brought about truly defies description, and she has the cheek to call the only possible alternative to this omnishambles a “coalition of chaos.” How, we are forced to ask, does Theresa May – the queen of chaos – imagine any chaos worse than the current state of affairs to be? If anyone is capable of putting such an apocalyptic vision of hell as she sees into words it will be a work of staggering literary and artistic genius. When Brenda from Bristol was informed there’d be snap general election, I cannot be alone in thinking she was actually going to say, What the f**k?!

Generation Y has just given way to the sorriest cohort of all – Generation WTF. Granted, Theresa May does offer a kind of leadership – albeit a leadership only adequately describable as FUBAR – which is still more than can be said for what Jeremy Corbyn is offering, but for her to describe any workable alternative as “chaos” beggars belief. Yet I still maintain the demented vicar’s daughter has a plan and that she’s working to it – and this is what scares me the most. Reading between the lines of her Lancaster House address, her vision of a corporatised and global Britain sounds too much like the realisation of the Orwellian nightmare of statist neoliberalism for comfort. All I can see ahead of us is a slaughterhouse with all the animals from Manor Farm waiting in line.


Theresa May in this season’s Dalmatian skin coat talking about chaos.

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